It was late on a Thursday night. I had just gotten home from an amazing dinner with my husband and felt like I was living on cloud nine. With no cares in the world, I started to slip out of my form fitting, little black dress and into something more suitable for bed. As I was getting undressed, the front strap of my dress got stuck on my bra. When I went to fix it, my hand pressed up against my right breast and I felt something I had never felt before, a giant lump.
“What is this?” I thought.
Surely I had to have been mistaken. I had just gone to my OBGYN appointment 2 weeks prior and she felt nothing. How was this even possible? I reluctantly went to check again and there it was. I had in fact found a lump. In that moment, my life flashed before my eyes.
I broke down hysterically crying. I screamed for my husband who came running in and asked him to see if he could feel it. He felt it too.
I then embarked on the worst week of my entire life…
The next morning, I went straight into my OBGYN’s office for a breast exam. As she’s feeling around, I see the smile on her face slowly fade away. She told me the one thing I didn’t want to hear.
“You need to go get this checked out,” she said.
Even though I knew there was a lump, there was a small piece of me thought maybe she would easily be able to tell it was nothing harmful. Nonetheless, she sent me over to a breast cancer imaging center for additional testing.
Side note…trying to get an appointment at a cancer imaging center is one of the most difficult things you will ever do. When I called, they told me they couldn’t see me for over a month. Here I am, thinking my life is over and the only people that can possibly save my life tell me they can’t see me for over a month. It was torture. I begged and pleaded with the receptionist, but to no avail. I didn’t care what she said, I wasn’t about to give up.
I called everyone I knew (and so did my parents) and we were finally able to find someone who had a connection to the center and was able to get me an appointment on Monday morning. It goes to show you that no is just the beginning of your journey. With hard work, you can make anything happen.
I didn’t sleep the entire weekend. I didn’t smile. I didn’t cry or talk to anyone. I just existed. I was awaiting my fate knowing that this lump could forever change my entire life. It was awful.
When Monday morning arrived, I walked over to the imaging center with my heart thumping out of my chest. When I walked in, they placed me in a waiting room with a few other women and handed each of us cards with a letter on them. I later learned that the card indicated the level of procedure we would have done that day. I got the A card which meant I was scheduled for a mammogram and an ultrasound.
Being under 30, I couldn’t imagine why they would ever give me a mammogram before an ultrasound. From all the research I had done, mammograms can be more difficult to read in younger women, because their breast tissue is more often dense and this can hide a tumor on an x-ray. I’ve also read that screening mammograms are not recommended for average-risk women under age 40.
So, I spoke up.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I’m under 30. Would it be possible to get the ultrasound done first and if you’re unable to tell what the mass is, move to a mammogram?”
Without hesitation the nurse consulted with the doctor who also agreed that it seemed a little aggressive (and unnecessary) to move forward with the mammogram before an ultrasound.
Ladies, I want you to take away two things from my experience. The first being that you should speak up and ask questions! Don’t assume just because a nurse or a doctor is telling you to do something, that you should just go along with it without question. You know your body better than anyone and no one can advocate for you like you can. And the second thing I want you to learn, well, I’m getting to that now.
After deciding we were going to skip the mammogram for the time being, we headed into another room for the ultrasound. The procedure was a breeze and within seconds, the technician new instantly that this large, 1-inch mass in my chest was actually just a cyst and happened to be surrounded by over 10 other smaller cysts. In an instant, that 50 pound weight that had been sitting on my chest was gone. My stomach began to unravel and the tears came pouring down my cheeks. I felt truly blessed and relieved.
The large black hole is my cyst and there are smaller ones around it.
After this experience, I started opening up about it to some girlfriends. I found that almost every single one of them had something like this happen to them at one point in their lives. It shocked me that none of them had ever talked about it before. I knew this needed to change and I was going to start by sharing my story. I hope that by telling you my story, I can provide relief for anyone else who may find a lump on their breast (or anywhere for that matter).
Oh, and the second thing I want you to take away from this story is, “Ignorance is not bliss”. Make it a point to give yourself regular breast exams and if you feel something at all, do something about it and know you’re not alone.
Love always,
Erica
Thank you for writing this! You have done a service to all of us, even those (way) over 30! It’s also good to know that something as scary as a big lump can be nothing – BUT still always get it checked out. I have a friend who had a tiny mole on her nose that kept bleeding. She ended up having 11 hours of surgery and is going through chemo – it was skin cancer. Always check things out and, yes, be bold on your behalf. No one can advocate for you like you can. I’m so glad to hear you’re fine.
Thank you for sharing that! I love what you said about “No one can advocate for you like you can”. I’ve added that into the post because it’s SO true.